Every
Who down in Whoville liked Valentines a lot
But the Grinch who lived just North of Whoville did not!
The Grinch hated Valentines! The whole Valentines season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be, perhaps, that her shoes were too tight.
It could be her head wasn't screwed on just right.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that her heart was two sizes too small.
But, whatever the reason, her heart or her shoes,
She stood there on Valentine’s Day hating the Whos,
Staring down from her cave with a sour, Grinchy frown
At the warm loving couples below in their town,
For she knew every Who down in Whoville beneath
Was busy now hanging a sticky who-heart.
"And they're signing their cards," she snarled with a sneer.
"Tomorrow is Valentines! It's practically here!"
Then she growled, with her Grinch fingers nervously drumming,
"I must find some way to keep Valentines from coming!
For, tomorrow, I know all the Who girls and boys
Will wake bright and early. They'll rush for their cards!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
There's one thing I hate! All the NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
And they'll shriek squeaks and squeals, racing 'round on their lovemobiles.
They'll dance with love bells tied onto their heels.
They'll blow their love horns. They'll bang their love drums.
And they'll play noisy games like seven minutes in heaven,
A closeted type of kissing and loving!
And then they'll make ear-splitting cries of joy
About their giant teddy bear!
Then the Whos, young and old, will sit down to a date.
And they'll dance! And they'll dance! And they'll DANCE! DANCE! DANCE! DANCE!
And then they'll do something I hate most of all!
Every Who down in Whoville, the tall and the small,
They'll stand close together, with Valentine hearts beating.
They'll stand hand-in-hand, and those Whos will start kissing!"
"And they'll kiss! And they'll kiss! And they’ll KISS! KISS! KISS! KISS!"
And the more the Grinch thought of this Who Valentines Kissing,
The more the Grinch thought, "I must stop this whole thing!
Why for sixteen years I've put up with it now!
I must stop Valentines from coming! But how?"
Then she got an idea! An awful idea!
The Grinch got a wonderful, awful idea!
"I know just what to do!" The Grinch laughed in her throat.
"I'll make a quick Cupid arrow and diaper."
And she chuckled, and clucked, "What a great grinchy trick!
With this bow and this diaper, I'll look just like Amor Eros!"
But the Grinch who lived just North of Whoville did not!
The Grinch hated Valentines! The whole Valentines season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be, perhaps, that her shoes were too tight.
It could be her head wasn't screwed on just right.
But I think that the most likely reason of all
May have been that her heart was two sizes too small.
But, whatever the reason, her heart or her shoes,
She stood there on Valentine’s Day hating the Whos,
Staring down from her cave with a sour, Grinchy frown
At the warm loving couples below in their town,
For she knew every Who down in Whoville beneath
Was busy now hanging a sticky who-heart.
"And they're signing their cards," she snarled with a sneer.
"Tomorrow is Valentines! It's practically here!"
Then she growled, with her Grinch fingers nervously drumming,
"I must find some way to keep Valentines from coming!
For, tomorrow, I know all the Who girls and boys
Will wake bright and early. They'll rush for their cards!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise! Noise!
There's one thing I hate! All the NOISE! NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
And they'll shriek squeaks and squeals, racing 'round on their lovemobiles.
They'll dance with love bells tied onto their heels.
They'll blow their love horns. They'll bang their love drums.
And they'll play noisy games like seven minutes in heaven,
A closeted type of kissing and loving!
And then they'll make ear-splitting cries of joy
About their giant teddy bear!
Then the Whos, young and old, will sit down to a date.
And they'll dance! And they'll dance! And they'll DANCE! DANCE! DANCE! DANCE!
And then they'll do something I hate most of all!
Every Who down in Whoville, the tall and the small,
They'll stand close together, with Valentine hearts beating.
They'll stand hand-in-hand, and those Whos will start kissing!"
"And they'll kiss! And they'll kiss! And they’ll KISS! KISS! KISS! KISS!"
And the more the Grinch thought of this Who Valentines Kissing,
The more the Grinch thought, "I must stop this whole thing!
Why for sixteen years I've put up with it now!
I must stop Valentines from coming! But how?"
Then she got an idea! An awful idea!
The Grinch got a wonderful, awful idea!
"I know just what to do!" The Grinch laughed in her throat.
"I'll make a quick Cupid arrow and diaper."
And she chuckled, and clucked, "What a great grinchy trick!
With this bow and this diaper, I'll look just like Amor Eros!"
"All I need is some wings." The Grinch looked around.
But since wings are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the Grinch? Hah! The Grinch simply said,
"If I can't find wings, I'll make some instead!"
So he took her bird Bob, and she took some black thread.
And she tied the bird’s body on top of her head.
Then she loaded some anti-love arrows and an extra quiver, just in case
On a ramshackle cloud and she chirped for Bob.
Then the Grinch said "Tweet tweet!" and the cloud started down
Toward the homes where the Whos sit in love in their town.
All their eyes were glazed. No one knew she was there.
All the Who couples were thinking of love without care
When she came to the first little bench of the square.
"This is stop number one," the old Grinchy Cupid hissed,
As she snuck up behind then, full quiver in fist.
Then she slid in between them, a rather tight pinch.
But if Cupid could do it, then so could the Grinch.
She got stuck only once, for a minute or two.
Then she stuck her head out from between a hug
Where little Who couples cuddled in rows.
"These couples," she grinched, "are the first two to go!"
Then she slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
And she shot each person, with a no-love arrow!
She shot every who. Then the Grinch, very nimbly,
Gathered all the arrows from their arms, and replaced the quiver.
